Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Versatile Vernacular of the Vulgar Variety

All the homies out there take note; some of us possess the tendency of sounding like a silly selection of Pongos and Engecos. There we be, clumsily barking, belching, bellowing and blurting our way through this Post-Puritan Paradise. Thank Allah our side won, lest we may have occupied a world in which the (not so) occasional onslaught of ostracized oratory would go unsung. No worries, for the adaptability of this human existence that I am so fond of has turned the contemporary gnar-dog-potty-mouth slang into some sort of a legitimate language.

Although I am happy that we have moved to a point at which the word "fuck" could be so celebrated, the cold hard reality is that a part of me died the day profanity was embraced by the masses: including all those stay-at-home moms; UCSB Librarians; the old lady waiting next to you in line at SandBar; the flaming-gay neighbor who walks his dog past your front porch every morning bumping Haddaway's "What is Love" on the ipod; and most surprising, even our friends the born-again Christians. What is a rebel to do with no words left to offend and torment those met on the daily path?

Wait, wait.

It doesn't have to be this way. We'll start a movement to keep alive and vibrant the integrity of cursing. That means saving the really good "fucks!" and "shitballs!" for your krew members only. Even if you're Mom won't slap your ass across the face if she hears the word "cunt" come out of your mouth- don't fucking let that shit slip. These words contain too high a level of entertainment value to be diluted with use in front of unworthy ears. Our movement would generally benefit from the mellowing of our poo-mouf's around those who shant respect its gravity. Simultaneously, ramping up the shit talking in front of your peeps ought commence in order to reestablish the curse word's place atop at the pinnacle of amigo-amiga verbal communication. Party on Wayne & Party on Garth....

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